1486: Arnold the Falconer, Part One

Cast:

  • Royal Court
  • Jester
  • Jouster
  • Maiden in Distress
  • Mother of Maiden in Distress
  • Arnold the Falconer
  • Royal Executioner

Synopsis:

Begins with a greeting by the Jester, followed by the Royal Procession. All dialogue is supplied for the Wassail and Boar’s Head festivities. After the dessert, the Jester enters and claims to be the fastest jester in the West.

“Now for the exciting part of the evening. I shall run out of that door, around behind the table, and in that door in less than ten counts.”

The Jester exits stage left, the Royal Court synchronize their feet to sound like the Jester is running behind them. An identically made up and costumed Jester, who is actually the Jouster, enters panting from stage right. This wonderful visual gag is repeated faster and faster. (Trust me, this could be on the World’s Funniest Videos if it had only happened in the Twenty-First century rather than the Fifteenth. Ah, what we sacrifice for our art.) They finally appear together on stage to “double your pleasure, double your fun.”

The king, who can afford only one jester, suggests a joust to determine who will be the Jester, and who will meet the Royal Executioner, for

“the joust is a just test for a jester, just as a jest is a just test for a jouster.“

The joust is inconclusive with both combatants falling in a heap on the floor.

“I shall not live to see the morrow. . . even if a fair maiden came into the hall right now and proffered a kiss intended to release me from the clutches of death, I shall not be released. I have struggled valiantly, but I shall not elude his grisly grasp.”

At that exact, very, and precise moment a fair maiden lightly skips in singing a merry roundelay. (That is what I call good timing. Ah, the power of the pen.) Her “not so fair” mother accompanies her to help decide the fair maiden’s future and solve the Jester/Jouster dilemma. A kicking good time is had as Jester and Jouster scurry around trying to influence the fair maiden with gifts of a chicken, two turtle doves, three French hens, four calling birds, five golden rings, etc. The audience is divided in half and cheer and boo their choice accordingly. The cast joins in the final rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

This script is a delight for both the audience and the performers and is especially suitable for church and younger groups.