1490: Noah and Joan of Ark

Cast:

  • Royal Court
  • Jester
  • Noah of Ark
  • Joan of Ark (Mrs. Noah)
  • Angel
  • Shem (Minor, but fun, part)
  • Ham (Minor, but fun, part)
  • Eggs (Minor, but fun, part)
  • Jesse at the Helm (Captain of the Good Ship, Censorship)
  • Prudence and Temperance (Minor, church lady parts)
  • Small Boy
  • Town Crier

Synopsis:

Begins with a greeting by the Jester, followed by the Royal Procession. All dialogue is supplied for the Wassail and the Boar’s Head festivities. Following the dessert, the Jester enters and proposes to entertain the Royal Court with a “Morality Play.” The King agrees, because “there is too much Saxon violence these days.” His Majesty’s Players enter amid the normal confusion of a Royal Court on a Saturday night and begin the morality play, “Noah and Joan of Ark.” The action is accompanied by sound effects from two performers at the side of the stage.

Noah and his sons build an ark in the middle of the desert, but build it out of stone rather than wood, because it is more durable.

“We decided to go for stone rather than go for . . . gopher wood.” to which the Angel replied, “Congratulations! You have proposed the world’s first stone submarine! It will not sail. It will not float. And even if you lived in a glass house, you could not . . . row a stone.” Of course, Noah thought the Angel said “row a stone” “But that doesn’t make any sense. He must have meant ‘go for stone.’”

So, Noah and his sons, Shem, Ham, and Eggs (Not his real name, just an alias) build the world’s first solid stone ark.

Members of the cast then go through the audience collecting animals, “Throw out your animals, “ and the rains begin. Soon another boat appears on the horizon (actually stage left.) It is none other than the Good Ship Censorship with Jesse at the Helm. You can only imagine what happens, because we won’t give away the . . . rest . . . of the story.

This is one wacko script, but not biblical and probably not suitable for more conservative audiences unless they really like to laugh (sometimes at themselves.) Not only is the script not biblical, it is not even historical. In reality, Noah and Joan of Ark were neither married nor did they live together. They might have exchanged the occasional email, but even that’s a stretch. This hilarious morality play actually has a touching morale and is a favorite of performers and audiences.